The Four Pillars Of Marriage

Welcome to another Relationship Wednesday on the blog and today we will be talking the FOUR PILLARS OF MARRIAGE.

Looking to build a SOLID foundation for your marriage, kick back, enjoy this and share with your friends…

This was preached by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo…our Senior Pastor.

It is sad when a marriage fails, it is WRONG when a Christian marriage fails. We have guidance on how marriage should be run. Severally, marriage is compared to the relationship between Christ and the church and so it is saddening when a Christian marriage that is supposed to be a model for the world fails.

Malachi 2:14

You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

The first pillar of marriage is understanding that


Marriage is not a contract, neither is it an association, it is a covenant. When you understand this, you are careful when approaching the issue of marriage. A covenant can never break. It is permanent. It is a strong thing. So, the first thing you need to understand before marriage is that marriage is a covenant. You must have a firm understanding of what a covenant is and how it works. A covenant is the joining of two people together and they become one. What it means is that, the two people now become one. Two individuals die and a new person resurrects. There is no more  in your  vocabulary, it is now ‘our’

My money

My clothes

My house

All these become ‘ours’ in marriage. Everything you own including your body becomes ‘ours’. You inherit the asset and liabilities. This is synonymous to our relationship with Christ. We died with Christ and then rose up with Him and became one body with Him.

If you understand this spiritual mystery, then you will understand how a covenant works and how marriage should be run. Everything must be done in oneness.

And the Lord said, “Behold, the people are one and they have all one language, and this they begin to do; and now nothing will be withheld from them which they have imagined to do. Gen 11:6

Do I tell my husband how much I earn?

Do I tell my wife how much I earn?

You both come together and pool your resources together for the betterment of the family. The reason why most families don’t move forward financially is because of both partners are hoarding and hiding money from each other.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor Ecclesiastes 4:9

 The reason why there is no progress in terms of finances is because both partners are operating as individuals when they should be acting as partners. There is a multiplied effect when two people come together to do something. In marriage, it is very important for you to have a covenant mentality. In a covenant, your extended family now becomes secondary while your spouse becomes primary.


Marriage requires a certain level of commitment for it to work. There are demands in marriage and it takes commitment to meet those demands.

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 1cor 7:32

Once you get married, by saying I do, what you mean is that from that day forward, you are to seek the good of your partner. Marriage can be likened to our relationship with Christ.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

In this covenant relationship with Christ, you seek His own good first before yours. You serve God and He in turn fulfills the desires of your heart. This is the same with marriage. As husband and wife, you do not seek to please yourself, you seek to please your partner. Obedience does not mean convenience. Obedience means that you will do some things you do not want to. In marriage, you will do some things that are not convenient. You will wash when you don’t want to, you will cook when you don’t want to, you will pay bills when you don’t want to, you will have sex when you don’t want to. In a marriage covenant, you have to practice obedience irrespective of your feelings. As a woman, you have to be sensitive to the lead of your husband, as a man, you have to be sensitive to the needs of your wife. Commitment means you will go beyond your mood. Watch out for a man who is not committed to the things of God as a single, those are signs that commitment will be a chore for him in marriage. Commitment means character.


Communication is very important. Men and women communicate differently and if you don’t understand these differences, your marriage will be prone to breakdown. Whenever, a marriage breakdown it is traceable to a break in communication. Men are thinkers, they can stay on their own and live in their minds for days. Women on the other hand are talkers. They love to talk. As a man, you must CREATE time to talk to your wife. There are men that carry dreams in their head for days, sometimes weeks, at times months and they don’t tell their wives. No matter how busy you are, your wife is priority, you must communicate with her. Women talk for affection, it is one of their ways of showing love. What she is saying might not make sense to you, still listen; and when she opens up to you, don’t give her a solution yet. Listen first, sympathize first and then come up with solutions later. Men on the other hand talk for information. They are either informing you about something, or inquiring about something. Women, understand that men don’t read minds, so whenever you are not pleased with something, say it. In a marriage setting, communication must be free. No one should know you intimately, more than your spouse. Don’t be wary of training of your spouse. Due to differences in background and some other factors, you will experience a communication gap naturally. Keep training your spouse until they get it.


Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22

As a woman, it is WRONG to respect your pastor more than you do your husband. There are some things you should never say to your husband. Never ever disrespect your husband. Venerate him. Submit to your husband irrespective of your mood. Your mood shouldn’t be the standard, God’s word should. As a man, put your wife first. Love her. Always make sure that the decisions you make do not threaten her comfort in anyway. Make her happy. Love her the way Christ loves the church.

If this blessed you, we encourage you to please share on all your
social media handles.

We would also love for you to fellowship with us at DAVID’S CHRISTIAN CENTRE
Our service times are:

Mainland (Fatgbems Filling station bus stop, Amuwo Odofin, Lagos)
Sundays 7.30 and 9am
Wednesdays 6.30pm

Island (Elegushi Bus stop, 3rd round about, lekki)
Sundays 10 am
Tuesdays 6.30pm

You can find us on social media too
Instagram and Twitter @dccisland, @dcclagos
You can call us too on 08077714411
We cannot wait to hear from you…
Till next time, please say this COVENANT we have out loud with us,


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Sign in


Cart (0)

Cart is empty No products in the cart.

LDM with PK | Love Dating and Marriage | Online Store For Pastor Kingsley and Mildred Okonkwo Messages, Books, CDs, DVDs, Ebooks and other Resources

Online Store For Pastor Kingsley and Mildred Okonkwo Messages, Books, CDs, DVDs, Ebooks and other Resources